cradle your head darling

8th March 2013

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I’m scared to find out the verdict—did you ever really care about me?

Tagged: himpersonalneed someone to talk to right now.

25th January 2013

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Yes.

Do you ever have those moments in life where upon first facing it, everything seems bleak and painful, but after further inspection and giving yourself a chance to think, you realize that it isn’t so bad?

Well, that’s what you call God’s guiding hand.

Everything may seem horrible at first and you may seem to ask him the most often asked question—why?

But then after thinking it over, you seem to have reached an enlightenment, a new opening in a seemingly closed road.

I like to think of that as God personally showing you the way.

Let me tell you a story about this.

The last day of classes today was spent as a semi-free time, seeing as to our teacher had some personal matters to attend to.

I spent my time listening to my close friends tell stories of how they figured they’d liked the guys they liked.

Listening to them talk about guys staying up till the crack of dawn just talking or waiting for them to fall asleep before they themselves went to sleep, guys who wrote poems for them and made them laugh, guys who had the most cheesy way of showing they cared—it made me wonder why.

Why I’d never had a guy do all those things for me.

I was happy my friends found guys who actually cared about them (and had a heart for God, no less), I really was; but I guess I was jealous.

The guy I like barely even acknowledges me anymore so how would I expect anything like that to happen to me?

I kept thinking about it—to the point that I actually shed tears.

I wondered why no guy ever happened to treat me the way my friends were; and for the life of me, I couldn’t comprehend why the guy I liked just suddenly cut off all communication with me when he found out I liked him.

Was it something I did? Something I said? Or just the idea that me, of all people, liked him?

That alone made me shed even more tears, some of which my brother saw.

But just as I was beginning to get angry at myself, I remembered something one of my friends had told me earlier after having told her unrequited feelings hurt a lot.

She’d reminded me of something our recently-wed Algebra teacher had told us during his testimony: God writes our love stories.

We may not always understand why we have all the heartaches we do, but we must always remember that somewhere down the road is a yes.

A yes to a friendship, a yes to a relationship, a yes to a chance, a yes to forgiveness, a yes to redemption, a yes to something.

And in my case, someday, I’ll meet my own perfect guy. Not as in perfect-perfect, but perfect because God personally took the time to write every detail of our relationship.

And until that day comes, I’ll just continue to be the listening end of my friends’ heart-fluttering tales, and thanking them for showing me that yes, happy ever afters do exist.

Tagged: himpersonalwritings